My husband was nice enough to recently let me choose what our shared-computer's browser's homepage was, and guess what! I choose YOU, msnbc.com! I know you're not a lot of people's first choices, but I like you. I like your layout, I like how you group things, I like your stories. I like how you make it obvious whether the link I'm clicking on will take me to a video or a text page. You've been good to me, msnbc.com. You've always treated me like an adult, and I appreciate that. While you may be a little more left-leaning than some other news outlets, I forgive your bias (because it's my bias, too).
So. You've been our homepage for a couple weeks now. And my dear husband hasn't insisted that we go back to the New York Times International Edition (we love him despite his pretension). So, I'm thinkin' you're pretty much in like Flynn, here, msnbc.com.
But--I hate to say it--you might have fucked it all up.
This morning I woke up, fumbled around for my glasses, gave good-morning kisses to Big Ern and Tiny Twain, stumbled into the kitchen to see if dear husband was making me my damn coffee yet (luckily for him, he was), and then went to the computer, as is my custom.
I fired up the firefox and there you were--greeting me with the headlines, gently welcoming me to May 24th, 2010. What's this? An update on the BP oil spill? **Click** Mmm, good article. And how about this link over here? Information on the ongoing struggle to fix Don't Ask Don't Tell? **Click**
Mmmm, interesting, good reporting, msnbc.com, just what I like, just what I like.
And look at this over here! Britanny Murphy's widower has himself died?! **Click**
Wait, wait, wait...have I been redirected to another website? What is this font fit for a kindergartener?! Is this the large-print version for the visually-impaired? Why does this look all...fluffy and prissy? Where's my sans-serif Arial font? This can't possibly be my beloved msnbc.com, can it? This is, like, fricking Garamond or something!
And why do I have a goddamn link to print this article?! What, for my fucking scrapbook?!
You've genuinely pissed me off, msnbc.com. I am not a child, just because I occasionally want peek in on what's happenin' in Hollywood. Are you trying to distance yourself from the story? Make it look like it's not part of msnbc.com's normal format? Are you trying to say, "Hey, we think this shit is super-childish! We're not a part of that" and yet still BE a part of it by having the story written by your journalists and linked at the top of your homepage?
You should just own it, man. You should just figure out that people who read your stories about BP and Afghanistan and tax credits fueling home sales also like to occasionally read about dead celebs or rehabbing celebs or divorcing celebs. You shouldn't make us feel like infants for wanting to read those things by giving it to us in such a patronizing format. I AM NOT A CHILD OR AN ELDERLY PERSON IN NEED OF DOUBLE SPACING AND FANCY FONT.
I really hate to say it, but I think I might change my homepage tonight, msnbc.com. Maybe to The Economist's home page. Or U.S. News & World Report. Or maybe even back to the NYT-International home page. (Don't make me do it, msnbc.com! We can't let dear husband win!!!)
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